maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
