i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
