Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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