we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
