yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
