My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How naked do you want me to be?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
