she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
