I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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