How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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