1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
