I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
