if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
