a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
