lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
