I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
