$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
