I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize