I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
