I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
