I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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