I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
