Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I deserve this hangover.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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