There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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