She's JV to your varsity
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
