So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
