omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
