First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
