the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
