I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
