i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
