the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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