sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
