i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
