I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
