It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
