clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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