It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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