I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So many bounce houses so little time
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize