somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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