i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
