i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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