True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
