I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
