I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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