You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
