I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
