I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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