i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
