I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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