Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
