The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
