If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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