He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am one with the molecules
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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