we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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