were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
