I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I cockslap morals
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
