Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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