just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize