Plan B is the new Plan A
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
