I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
