I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
