Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
