maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
