When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
