i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
