I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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