All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
