I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
