I faked an abortion last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
